Black Girl Tug of War
Since I was a little girl, I always felt like I was playing a tug of war game with society about my hair. On one side of the rope was the group of people who told me I need to wear my hair out and be proud. On the other side were people shaming me for showing off my kinky curls and fluffy edges, and looking at me with disgust when it is not in a protective style such as braids or under a wig. I used to wonder how there could be such a huge debate about something as simple as hair follicles then I came to the realization that as a Black Woman I will be judged for every part of my identity.
As a child me along with many other Black girls would have chemicals put in our hair called perms, which would strip away the natural curls that sprouted from our heads and made them pin straight. Every few months you would be sitting between your mother's legs as she put the cream on your head and told you to holler at her when you hear the burning sensation so she can rinse it out. After it started burning you began to prepare yourself for the next set of burning which would be by the hot comb and flat iron. We were used to it, but it felt like a new experience each time.
Eventually around the time I was ending elementary school, people in the Black community began to learn more about our hair and chose to move away from putting so many chemicals in it. I was happy because I thought I would finally be accepted for myself and what my hair was, but then I started to realize that only certain types of Black hair were being represented. Unfortunately, only women with loose curls and long natural hair were considered beautiful or acceptable and though there has been slight progress it is still like that to this day.
Once I understood my thick type 4 hair wasn’t acceptable, I took it upon myself to start getting braids. I learned how to do my own hair in many different styles including cornrows, twists and box braids. I received many compliments from people especially Black women on my work. I think the things that our hands and hair can do are incredible, but then I hear people calling our long braids, and locs ghetto and telling us to wear our real hair or stop trying to be white by wearing weaves. I even had an encounter with a White man last year on my college campus where he asked me with the most ignorant smirk, if the two braids I did on myself were elephant ears. I had never felt so disrespected.
When I tell people of other races my hair determines how I'm treated they look at me like I don’t make sense. Recently I was scrolling through Tik Tok and came across a trend of women with non-afro hair putting their hair in different styles and they were discovering how different they looked and were treated depending on the style. I found this interesting because for decades Black women have been addressing how they are viewed differently depending on how their hair is laid, tucked, or curled, but everyone took it as we were being dramatic, and we need to ‘get over it’. This concept that some people view as so small and unimportant is detrimental. It could possibly determine if I would get a job or not.
The hairstyles that a Black Woman wears dictates how she is viewed by society. Though it’s unfortunate I have come to realize people don’t see me. They see my hair. I love my hair, but it gets tiring experiencing different treatment and stares in public. If I wear it out, I'm told “you need to tame that”, if I cover it up, I'm told “you need to love yourself”. My question is when will we stop holding Black women under a microscope and judging everything that they do? I love my crown, regardless of if it is in patterned cornrows, locs that flow down my back like Rapunzel, or in an afro elevating towards the sun. Neither side of the rope will win.
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